Nobodies in Hershey Park
by Follow-The-Firefly
Summary: Was Xemnas crazy when he suggested taking the Organization to Hershey Park? Let's find out! Rated T for some mild language, suggestive themes and some things unsuitable for children. AU
1. The Vacation That Never Was

**Disclaimer: I own nothing mentioned here. I own the plot, though...**

**It's Mika-chan! This is my first Organization XIII based story with an actual plot. This** **is for Sakurahime92. Hope you like it, Tohru-chan! Let the deadly tale begin!**

Roxas was sleeping peacefully in his bed, nice and warm underneath the piles of blankets. He was dreaming about playing soccer in the middle of an open, grassy field…

Well, he was until Axel woke him up. And very rudely, might I add?

This is the beginning of my new crack!fic: Nobodies in Hershey Park. I myself have been to Hershey Park on several occasions, so I can write this with virtual ease. And to all who have not been there: do not wear Chucks there if your feet are not used to them. You will be doing a _lot_ of walking.

I realize that this is a little unorthodox and some people have made Organization XIII go to Disneyworld. If you read my stories, you should know by now, my lovely little reader, that I do _not_ follow trends and go my own way. If you don't like the way this story is going, then go read some tragedy/angst fic about Marluxia's heartbreak over loosing Vexen. I sure as hell don't want to read it, but hey, maybe _some_one out there wants to see Vexen live.

This brings on another point. There will be much character suffering in this story, namely Vexen, Zexion, Larxene, Xemnas and possibly Axel, even though I love Axel to death. In any case, if you don't want to see any of the Organization get abused in a fluffy manner, then leave. You can't say I haven't warned you.

That being said, let's move on to the deadly tale, ne?

Axel snuck into the room as quiet as a non-existent church mouse and pounced on XIII like a tiger. Yelping, Roxas thrashed in bed for a while before realizing that his attacker was his pyro lover. The mouths soon connected and some kissing ensued before Roxas broke apart and yelled, "What the hell, Axel?!"

"We're going on a vacation, Roxie!" Axel grinned.

"Where too?" Roxas asked warily.

The last time the Organization went on a vacation, they went to the National Aquarium in Baltimore. Demyx had jumped into the shark tank and started swimming with the sharks. He was having the time of his non-existent life until a Great White the size of Jaws started chasing him. Scared out of his wits, Demyx started shrieking for help. Axel was the only one there and if Axel got wet, well, he was as helpful as a sea sponge in the situation. In the end, Larxene electrocuted the water and killed all the sharks. Demyx, somehow, was spared.

"Hershey Park!" Axel grinned, pressing his lips to Roxas' again.

Roxas broke away and said, "That's just _asking _to give Demyx a sugar high!"

"Well, I don't know what Xemnas was thinking, but I'm not going to complain about it." Axel's grin got bigger. "I love amusement parks!"

"You obviously don't remember when we went to Sea World and Marluxia splashed you." Roxas rolled his eyes.

"I was unconscious!" Axel exclaimed. "What do you expect?!"

"When do we leave?" Roxas asked warily.

"An hour." Axel said, a smile forming on his lips.

"An hour?!" Roxas yelped as Axel shoved him off the bed and the younger Nobody fell to the floor with a thud. "How are we getting there?"

"Xemnas has rented a bus." Axel replied, running a hand through his unruly hair.

"Like a charter bus?" Roxas asked.

"No, more like a school bus." Axel shook his head.

"Oh, holy hell." Roxas shook his head.

"So hurry up, Roxie!" Axel was obviously hyper as he grabbed a bright green suitcase from XIII's closet.

"I'm getting there, Axel." Roxas rolled his eyes.

A strange sort of caterwauling could be heard down the hall. Stepping out of the room, Axel came back virtually moments later, dragging Demyx behind him. IX had his headphones in his ears, the end of the headphones connected to a cyan iPod.

"Demyx, are you singing in German?" Axel questioned, throwing the sitarist down on the bed.

"It's _Spring Nicht." _Demyx explained.

"By who?" Roxas wanted to know as he threw another obsidian cloak into the suitcase-that-was-really-a-sports-bag-that-Saix-had-thrown-out.

"Tokio Hotel." Demyx said with a grin.

"Well, stop it, ok?" Axel shook his head. "You sing loud enough to wake the dead."

* * *

Zexion knew something was wrong the moment he woke up.

For one thing, his room was a shambles. This wouldn't have worried him as much if the somewhat large fire wasn't in the middle of the floor. Sighing, the Cloaked Schemer twisted the cap off his bottle of Aquafina that was conveniently lying on the bedside table and threw the contents on the fire with complete nonchalance.

Standing up, Zexion ambled over to his closet and opened the door to have millions of bottles of pills fall out, knocking VI completely off his feet and burying him alive.

Well, _this _was unexpected.

Poking his head through the plethora of bottles, Zexion examined them to see what they were. Most were painkillers that probably belonged to Saix for when he went Berserk, but others were feminine pills, bi-polar medication, cold pills, large bottles of cod liver oil, Vitamin C supplements and pills for male enhancement.

Okay, what the hell?

Zexion stormed out of his room at a speed that could easily outrun Axel, who was the fastest in the whole castle for unknown reasons, and stomped into Lexaeus' room.

"Lexaeus, come here for a moment…"

As if Lexaeus really had any choice in the matter. Zexion had grabbed his ex-lover by the collar and dragged him off. Storming down the hallway, some might say that they looked like Zexion was a lion bring its kill back to the rest of the herd. Poor Lexaeus was forced to wonder what he could have done to deserve such treatment.

When they reached Zexion's room, Lexaeus found the pile of pills on the floor.

"What happened, Zexion?" Lexaeus asked, quite perturbed.

"Who did this?" Zexion demanded.

"Why do you have pills for male enhancement?" Lexaeus asked as he picked up a bottle at random.

"They're not mine, you wing-nut!" Zexion smacked the Silent Hero across the head.

"Then why are they here?" Lexaeus asked.

"How the hell should I know?!" Zexion shrieked.

"So are you getting ready for your Grammar Nazi meeting?" Lexaeus asked.

Some might say that calling someone who was obsessed with grammar (in other words, me) a Grammar Nazi a bit harsh, but the Cloaked Schemer was really one. They actually existed in the non-existent world known as the World That Never Was. It is unknown what these meetings contain, but Zexion's uniform looked shockingly like the SS uniforms in WWII. I'm always making WWII references, aren't I? In any case, Zexion always came back from these meetings yelling at anyone who made the slightest mistake. Thankfully, these Grammar Nazi meetings were held only once a non-existent week.

"What brought that on, Lexaeus?" Zexion's arms crossed in front of his chest.

"It's almost time for you to go." Lexaeus said.

Looking at the digital clock above the door, Zexion learned that it was indeed almost nine, at which time his Grammar Nazi meeting would commence.

"Holy Jashin-sama!"

With Olympic speed, the Cloaked Schemer dressed in the SS uniform and raced out of the room. Lexaeus frowned and said, "When did Zexy become a Jashinist?" Pondering this thought, Lexaeus left to find some other form of entertainment.

* * *

If one had never been down to the Lab That Never Was, they would be told by those who had not to go there. For one reason, the temperature made the room resemble the Ross Ice Shelf in Antarctica. Maybe the non-living dead residents that were also non-existent couldn't stand hearing explosions that sounded like the bombings of Nagasaki and Hiroshima, though the smell of decaying bunny slippers could put any one off a visit, living or dead.

Vexen, the lone inhabitant of this Lab, was working at his lab table, trying to find the right ingredient for the perfect fruitcake. Hey, Vexen was on just about every drug invented. And some not invented. Most of these drugs were created by the crazed scientist himself.

Maybe that's why Vexen is such a nut-job.

The stereo was blasting in the Lab That Never Was, playing a somewhat controversial song that Demyx usually sang. For one thing, the song was _I Kissed A Girl_ by Katy Perry. And secondly, well, if you've heard the song, you'll understand what I'm talking about.

Vexen was screeching the vocals at the top of his non-existent lungs, making dead coyotes in the Pride Land roll in their graves. He didn't care if he was angering the non-living dead. He just wanted to sing, though caterwaul is probably a better word.

"Vexen!"

Vexen stopped "singing" when Saix burst through the door, shivering as if his non-existent life depended on it.

"What, Saix?" Vexen demanded.

"Superior called a meeting." Saix said. "You were the only one missing besides Zexion and we can hear your warbling up there."

Seeing that the Meeting Room That Never Was was on the thirteenth floor, Vexen must have a high lung capacity.

"So hurry up and get up here." Saix said, grabbing Vexen by the upper arm and dragging him out of the Lab.

* * *

"I suppose you are wondering why I have called you all here today…"

"Not really."

"Try to be more enthusiastic, VIII."

"I'd rather listen to Zexion read the dictionary."

"I can do that."

"Can it, Zexion."

Is it a bit obvious that Organization XIII would rather be anywhere but the meeting room on the thirteenth floor?

"So why are we here?" Zexion asked, reading the notes he'd taken in his Grammar Nazi meeting, though he was still clad in the SS uniform.

"We are taking a vacation." Xemnas proclaimed.

"Are you feeling all right, Superior?" Larxene raised an eyebrow at the leader.

"Where are we going?" Xigbar wanted to know.

"Hershey Park." Xemnas said.

"Sweet!" Demyx was thrilled.

"But that's in another world entirely!" Saix pointed out.

"Saix, we can't vacation in our own world." Peridot eyes rolled to the ceiling as Axel spoke.

"But why would we go to a place where Demyx could easily get a sugar high?" Roxas questioned.

"Why are you so worried about Demyx getting a sugar high?" Luxord wondered.

"You all know what he can do!" the youngest Nobody shrieked in terror.

"Luxord can do the exact same thing!" Marluxia exclaimed.

"Luxord's on drugs when he does that." Larxene pointed out, balancing a dagger between her fingers.

"So when do we leave?" Xaldin asked.

"Tomorrow." Xemnas said.

"Tomorrow?" Axel frowned.

"Something troubling you, Axel?" Zexion asked.

"I heard Superior say today." Axel said.

"Well, we're leaving tomorrow." Xemnas said.

"But I'm already packed!" Axel exclaimed.

"Axel, you idiot." Cerulean orbs found Axel's emerald ones.

"We'll argue this in my room, Roxie." Axel said.

"We don't care how you argue, but don't tell us." Saix said.

"Some of us have virgin ears." Larxene said.

"Please, Larxene." Axel raised an eyebrow at the Savage Nymph. "How can _you_ possibly have virgin ears, or eyes for that matter, when you videotape us having sex all day?"

"How did you figure if out?!" Larxene gasped in mock horror.

"Enough!"

Xemnas could always yell loud enough to cause a power outage in Berlin. How, I have no idea.

"Everyone get ready tonight." Xemnas said. "We leave first thing tomorrow."

With that, the Nobodies filed out of the Meeting Room That Never Was, dreading this vacation.

**I really like this...is it better than my other crack!fics? my sister gave me the idea for the pills. thanks, punky! review?**

**next chapter: who know packing could be such a pain?**


	2. Dreaded Packing

**Disclaimer: I own nothing mentioned. **

**It's Mika-chan! This was a blast to write! I think this is a little shorter than the last one...ah well. on with the deadly tale!**

While the rest of Organization XIII was packing for their unexpected trip, the Flurry of Dancing Flames was trying to find something to do with his time. He'd already packed, thinking that they would be leaving that very non-existent day, so now Axel had nothing to do. He decided to listen to some music while he waited for the rest of the residents in the World That Never Was to pack for their probably disastrous trip.

Walking over to the CD player, Axel faced the wall of CDs. And I mean wall literally. VIII had so many CDs that he was better stocked than a music store, though Demyx was probably a close runner up. The Flurry of Dancing Flames had music from the UK, Finland, France, Russia, Japan, Korea, Germany and the Netherlands as well as Austria, Poland, Bosnia-Herzegovina and Brazil. No, sir, you can't say that Axel didn't love his foreign music.

Frowning, VIII faced the wall of CDs, trying to decide what to listen to. He decided on listening to some Japanese music, so he went over to his section of the wall dedicated to the music of Japan. He threw the Japanese folk music on the bed, since that probably belonged to Demyx and resumed his search. Eventually, Axel decided on listening to Dir en Grey, since he wanted to annoy Vexen by playing the throat-ripping screamo at a volume that an elephant could go deaf. The Chilly Academic would surely hear that down in his Lab That Never Was That Resembled Antarctica.

Grinning from ear to ear, Axel placed the music in the CD player and set the track to _Clever Sleazoid_, a song that Vexen particularly hated. Axel felt the usual rush from the bass and started to thrash around the room, knocking just about everything off the walls. The Flurry of Dancing Flames had been practicing his screaming and now that he was listening to Dir en Grey, he'd have a chance to see if practice paid off.

Man, I'd kill to scream like that. Seriously.

After that was over, Axel set the track to _Lies Buried with Vengeance_, a song that was way too freaking short, but Axel loved it anyway. With every bass chord, Axel slammed his foot to the floor and dual coloured flames shot forth and spun around the master. The vocalist said a few words and the beat picked up ever so slightly. Axel tapped his foot to the beat before-

"Axel!"

Vexen. Of course. That guy really didn't know how to have fun, did he? Well, Vexen's idea of fun was mutation chipmunks and killer whales, but hey, to each his own.

"What, Vexen?" Axel sighed, pausing the song.

"I can hear that rubbish in the lab." Vexen crossed his arms in front of his chest. "And why is it so hot in here?"

"I control fire, Vexen." Axel said simply.

"I knew that!" Vexen snapped.

Really? Are you sure, Vexen?

"So I naturally prefer the heat." Axel said with complete nonchalance.

"Just turn the music down." Vexen said, turning his back to the pyro. "You don't want Marluxia to come up here."

"You control your lover for once, ok?" Axel yelled to Vexen's retreating back.

Axel resumed his dancing/ singing/ screaming, head banging to the beat. It was a good thing Axel had been practicing because he almost matched the vocalist by now.

"Axel, can you turn it down?"

Demyx. Demyx had no right to talk, really. Axel had been trying to sleep one non-existent night when _Waking the Demon_ from Bullet For My Valentine sounded throughout the Castle That Never Was That Had Such High Ceilings That The Echo Could Be Heard For A Thousand Years.

"Did you put your Japanese folk CDs in my room?" Axel threw the CDs to the Melodious Nocturne.

"I don't listen to Japanese folk." Demyx shook his head. "That's Xaldin."

"Oh, right." Axel said.

"Well, can you turn it down?" Demyx pleaded.

"No, Demy." Axel shook his head.

"Fine." Demyx huffed. "But don't be mad at me when Zexion yells at you."

After Demyx left, Axel turned the song on again and resumed his head banging/singing/screaming/dancing. This sound would be perfect for _Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus_. He'd have to make that when they got back.

"Axel!"

Axel shook his head. He'd never be able to listen to his music in peace, would he?

* * *

Larxene was in her room, trying to ignore the blasting music that was coming from Axel's room, packing her belongings for the trip. Why in the world were they going on a vacation? And to Hershey Park?

A knock on the door sounded and Zexion walked in. In his hand was a bottle that looked suspiciously like a pill bottle.

"What do you want, Zexion?" Larxene asked, throwing a black cloak into the suitcase on her bed.

"I believe this is yours?" Zexion asked as he threw the bottle at Larxene.

Larxene caught the bottle and looked at it. It was a very feminine bottle, which made Larxene wonder how the Cloaked Schemer had obtained it.

"Why do you assume this is mine?" Larxene's eyes became slits.

"Because you're the only girl." Zexion said, a smirk forming on his lips.

"Where did you get this, anyway?" Larxene threw the bottle into the suitcase.

"I opened my closet and tons of pills came tumbling out, crushing me." Zexion said nonchalantly.

"Sure…" Larxene rolled her eyes.

Zexion left, allowing Larxene to finish her packing. A few moments later, the Savage Nymph noticed a definite change in temperature. And it was _not_ an increase. Only one Nobody could be behind this.

Larxene flung open the door and yelled, "_VEXEN!"_ at a volume that all could hear in Helsinki, but she knew that Vexen could hear it down in the Lab That Never Was.

Axel stormed out in the hallway, obviously hearing Larxene, and faced the neophyte.

"You noticed the change too, huh?" Axel asked, shivering.

"I _hate_ the cold." Larxene's eyes were slits again.

"I'll fade if I get too cold." Axel said, teeth chattering slightly.

"Lucky us." That was Larxene. Always the sarcastic one, though I hear Saix could be pretty sarcastic when he wanted to be.

"What now?" Vexen's voice could be heard as he came up to the seventh floor hallway.

"Why is it so cold?" Axel and Larxene demanded together.

"I was in Axel's room and it was too hot." Vexen explained. "It takes me a while to cool back down again."

"So you turn the thermostat down to make the rest of us freeze?" Axel was _not_ happy with this decision.

"Hey, at least my room isn't like a volcano, VIII." Vexen's eyes locked into Axel's.

"I'd rather walk through one of Demyx's water clones than freeze to death." Axel said.

"You'd die anyway if you get wet, Axel." Vexen sneered.

"No, I'll just get really sick and go into a coma." Peridot eyes glared at the Chilly Academic.

"Just turn the heat up!" Larxene demanded, summoning her daggers.

Wow. I do _not_ want to be around when Axel and Larxene are both mad. They'll probably plot with each other to bring down the Organization. No…Axel tried to stop Larxene and Marluxia from bringing down Organization XIII in Castle Oblivion. Ah well.

"Ok, ok." Vexen held his hands up in mock surrender.

"Thank God for that." Axel retreated back to his room, summoning fire with each footfall.

* * *

Saix was _not_ looking forward to this trip.

For one thing, the full moon was supposed to come out in the middle of the trip, which meant that he would be antsy for the duration of the vacation. On the full moon, he'd be like a werewolf. Well, he wouldn't change form and kill people, but it'd be pretty bad. The only thing that could calm him down was sugar, for one reason or another. Ah well. It's not like there's going to be a shortage of sugar in Hershey Park.

For another thing, Saix didn't want to get wet. The Luna Diviner hated getting wet, for unknown reasons. He knew that Demyx would drag him down to the water park, which he would _not_ enjoy.

Rummaging through his closet, Saix realized that he was missing a cloak. Now this wouldn't be a big deal to some, but to Saix, it was the end of the non-existent world.

He frog-marched out of his room and into the room next to his: Axel's. The Flurry of Dancing Flames was dancing his non-existent life away to some song sung in Japanese, Chinese or one of the Asian languages. Saix didn't really care.

"Axel, have you seen my cloak?" the Luna Diviner demanded.

"Saix, why would I take your cloak?" Axel asked, still dancing.

"I don't know!" Saix exclaimed. "Why would you?!"

"I'm just trying to get my body temperature up again after Vexen almost froze me alive." Axel said, spinning around gracefully.

"That sucks." Saix didn't really care about Axel freezing either.

"Yeah, it does." Axel said, creating a circle of fire.

Saix jumped back instantaneously. Fire scared the crap out of him and Axel knew that full well.

"Axel!"

"What is it now, Saix?" Axel rolled his peridot eyes.

"Stop it with the fire!" Saix shrieked.

"Whatever." Axel said, making the flames evanesce.

"So you don't know where my cloak is?" Saix asked.

"No idea." Axel said. "Try Roxas. He always gets everyone's cloaks."

Saix stomped out of Axel's room and into Roxas'. XIII was lying on his bed, DS in hand, playing something that was making a lot of noise.

"What now, Saix?" Roxas asked in a monotonous voice.

"Have you seen my cloak?" the Luna Diviner asked.

"Let's look here…" Roxas paused his game before he got off the bed and ambled over to his closet. "Nope. Looks like they're all mine."

"Damn." Saix cursed under his breath.

"Have you tried Marluxia, Xaldin or Lexaeus?" Roxas asked.

"You know what?" Saix asked. "It doesn't matter."

"Good." Roxas really didn't have a clue what was going on, but he figured that it didn't matter.

* * *

Luxord was sitting in his room, playing Solitaire with himself. How else could he play Solitaire? It's not like he could play with Zexion, Demyx and/or Xemnas, could he? The Gambler of Fate wanted to play strip poker with Lexaeus, Vexen and Xigbar, but they were all packing. And, for once in his non-existent life, Luxord was ready before everyone else. Ah well. He'd have plenty of time to play Solitaire while he waited.

**Is it obvious that i love Dir en Grey? I hope the next chapter will be up soon! review?**

**next chapter: car rides with Organization XIII are never any fun**


	3. Death Ride

**Disclaimer: I own nothing mentioned. Nothing at all...**

**It's Mika-chan! This is a rather amusing chapter. I need reviews so I can know how I'm doing. I can't improve without feedback! that being said, on with the deadly tale!**

Zexion was in his room the next morning, waiting for the dreaded vacation to start. To pass time, the Cloaked Schemer had decided to read _War and Peace_ for the sixty-fifth time. He had just started chapter three when a faint knock echoed throughout the room and Xigbar stepped in.

"What's up, Xigbar?" Zexion frowned, knowing that the Free Shooter usually wanted nothing to do with him.

"I heard that you have a plethora of pills here?" Xigbar assumed.

"I bet it's Axel's idea of a prank." Zexion scowled.

"Do you mind if I look through them?" Xigbar asked. "I appear to be missing quite a few."

"Help yourself, Xiggy." Zexion returned to his book.

After a few moments of digging through the mountain of pills, Xigbar found what he was looking for.

"I got 'em. Thanks, Zexion." Xigbar said as he turned to the door.

"Which ones were they?" Zexion asked.

"These." Xigbar held up the bottles.

The pills for male enhancement. Zexion stared at Xigbar in shock.

"Really, Xigbar?" the eyes widened. "Who do you use them with? I was always under the impression that you were a loner."

"That's mean, Zexion." Xigbar furrowed his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry." Zexion said quickly. "But who is he? Assuming that it's not Larxene."

"No, it's not Larxene." Xigbar shook his head.

"So who is he?" Zexion frowned.

"Xemnas." Xigbar said unblushingly.

"_Xemnas_?!" Zexion's eyes widened even more. "Are you serious, Xigbar?"

"Serious as a heart attack." Xigbar nodded.

"But I thought Xemnas was with Saix?" Zexion frowned.

"Nah, they broke up a while ago. After I broke up with Xaldin." Xigbar shook his head.

"_Xaldin_?!" Zexion was about ready to faint from this new knowledge.

"Yeah. You have Demyx. You can't say that me and Xaldin was weird." Xigbar's arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Demyx and I are not weird." Zexion said fiercely.

"Not like Axel and Roxas." Xigbar said. "That looks almost criminal."

"It looks like Axel's a good ten years older than Roxas. How old _is_ Roxas?" Zexion frowned.

"Sixteen, I think." Xigbar said.

"Then how old is Axel?" Zexion demanded.

"How should I know?!" Xigbar shrugged. "I'm leaving."

* * *

Elsewhere in the Castle That Never Was That Was Too Big For Its Own Damn Good, Marluxia was walking in a random corridor that was really the hallway to the Garden That Never Was on the Roof That Never Was. Wow. A lot of things were never were. What a surprise.

Anyway, the Graceful Assassin was walking down to Memory's Skyscraper so he could load his luggage on the bus. On his way down, he passed many signs that read as follows:

**Pills found and lots of them! Contact Zexion with any questions. And don't steal the books!**

Marluxia didn't know what was worse. The fact that Zexion had lots of pills for unknown purposes or the fact that he was worried about people taking his books. Frowning yet laughing at the same time. The Graceful Assassin managed to pass Zexion in the hallway on his way down.

"Zexy, what's with these posters?" Marluxia frowned.

"I opened my closet one morning and I was buried alive by pills." Zexion said with complete nonchalance as they walked out to Memory's Skyscraper.

"Uh-huh." Marluxia looked disbelievingly at Zexion as he threw his luggage onto the bus.

"Seriously!" Zexion exclaimed.

"What did Luxord give you?" Marluxia gave a small smile as they went back to the Castle That Never Was.

"Nothing!" Zexion exclaimed.

* * *

Demyx was having the time of his non-existent life.

For one thing, he was going on a vacation, a rare treat indeed. Secondly, he would be near a water park, which just about made him faint from excitement. Third and lastly, well, there wasn't a last reason, but he'd think of it eventually!

He was lounging around on his bed, playing _Final Fantasy IV_ on his DS when Axel walked in.

"Ready, Demyx?" he asked.

"Am I ever!" Demyx jumped up so high he almost hit the ceiling.

Axel shook his head and said, "That's just sad. I'm gonna go wake up Roxas, ok?"

"Why are you telling me?" Demyx frowned.

"Because you'll forget!" Axel exclaimed.

He left Demyx's room and made his way into Roxas'. XIII was curled up in bed, covered in a plethora of blankets. As the beginnings of a smirk formed on his lips, Axel bent down and gently kissed Roxas, so the Key of Destiny would wake up. Sure enough, the azure eyes fluttered open and Roxas said, "Time to go already?"

"Yeah." Axel nodded. "I already packed your stuff."

"Five more minutes." Roxas fell back into the covers.

"Now, blue eyes." Axel said, kissing Roxas' lips again.

"Okay, okay." Roxas grimaced, but got up.

"Come on before Xemnas starts yelling." Axel said.

The two walked out of the room and down to Memory's Skyscraper where they found members I, II,III,IV, V, VII, IX, XI and XII waiting on the bus.

"What took so long?" Demyx demanded.

"He wouldn't wake up." Axel pulled Roxas beside him into a seat.

"So who are we missing now?" Saix asked.

"Zexion and Luxord." Xemnas didn't look pleased.

"I'm here!" Zexion exclaimed as he clambered onto the bus.

"Now get off so you can make the portal to get us out of here." Xigbar smiled.

Zexion, glared at the Free Shooter, but departed.

"So does anyone have any idea where Luxord is?" Marluxia frowned.

"He'd better not be in the lab." Vexen huffed.

"He's probably stoned." Larxene said, turning a page of _Marquis de Sade_.

"Let's get going!" Demyx trilled.

"We can't leave without Luxord." Zexion said as he stomped onto the bus.

"So where the fuck is he?" Axel frowned.

"Uh-oh." Lexaeus' eyes were wide as he pointed out to Memory's Skyscraper.

Luxord was ambling through the Nothingness That Never Was, drunk like he'd been drinking for years.

"Oh holy hell." Roxas shook his head in a painfully slow sort of way.

"I'm with you, Roxas." Axel nodded.

"Wassup, guys?" Luxord slurred as he stumbled up the steps.

"Just take a seat, Luxord." Xemnas said, closing the bus doors and starting the engine.

And Luxord did just that. He fell onto the seat that was currently occupied by Xaldin and passed out. Soon his loud snoring could be heard.

"God dammit, Luxord." Xaldin shoved the unconscious Nobody onto the vacant seat across the aisle.

"Are we set?" Xemnas asked.

"Just get going!" Demyx yelled.

With uncalled for force, Xemnas speed into the portal and appeared in southern California. The bus fell to the ground with a thud, but, for reasons unknown, it was in tact.

"Where are we?" Marluxia looked around at the unfamiliar scenery.

"California." Zexion nodded, quite pleased with himself.

"And where is Hershey Park?" Saix asked.

"Pennsylvania." Xemnas said.

"That's across the country!" Axel yelled.

"This is the only place I could portal to!" Zexion yelled. "It was either this or northern Russia!"

"I'm sure it would take about the same to get there from Russia." Larxene muttered under her breath.

"Let's just get going." Roxas said. "The sooner we leave, the sooner we'll get there."

"I hope someone brought food." Demyx said as his stomach growled.

"Eh, we can stop along the way." Xemnas said, putting the bus in gear and reaching the outrageous speed of 145 in .1 seconds.

"Xemnas!" Lexaeus, Roxas, Demyx and Marluxia shrieked.

"What?" Xemnas asked in a bored voice.

"How fast are you going?" Vexen demanded.

"Eh, 145." Xemnas shrugged.

"Can it even go that fast?" Roxas looked out the window in horror as he saw trees blur by.

"Not normally." Xemnas grinned maliciously, which made the Nobodies feel terrified.

"We're going to die!" Demyx wailed.

"Well, technically, we don't die." Lexaeus said. "We just become sandy blackness."

"Oh, right." Larxene rolled her eyes.

Somewhere in all this, Luxord had regained consciousness.

"Why're we goin' so fasht?" he asked.

"Just pass out again, Luxord." Xigbar said. "You're too far out of it."

"Really? But I wanted to ride the…" Luxord said before he abruptly fainted once more.

"I don't want to know." Axel shook his head sadly.

"Xemnas!" Xaldin shrieked. "Watch out for the tree!"

"Oh, we're fine." Xemnas said. "See? We're already out of the county!"

"Sweet mother of-" Larxene started to say.

"_Xemnas, don't run into the pole!"_ Marluxia had attempted to take control of the steering wheel.

"I got it, Marluxia." Xemnas said.

"We don't want to die today, Xemnas." Axel yelled from the back where he sat with Roxas.

"Xemnas, I think you just hit someone." Demyx said, looking back.

"Eh, I'm an all-powerful Nobody." Xemnas shrugged. "I can do whatever I want."

"I can shoot people but you don't see me going and starting riots in the middle of the city, do you?" Xigbar exclaimed.

"Well, that's because we're the only inhabitants." Zexion said.

"Oh, that's true." Xigbar hadn't thought of that.

"Did we just speed up?" Roxas demanded.

"Yes, we did." Xemnas said. "We are now going 150."

All of the Nobodies save for Luxord, who was still passed out drunk, and Xemnas, who was the maniacal driver of the contraption on wheels, groaned in eternal horror.

"It's not that bad." Xemnas said. "We'll be in Alabama by tonight."

"We are _not_ driving these speeds all day, Xemnas." Saix said firmly.

"Roxas is about to have a heart attack over here." Axel said as he tried to calm his lover.

"I'm too young to die…" Roxas whimpered.

"You're not dying, Roxas." Xemnas said.

"We will if you don't slow the fuck down!" Vexen yelled.

"You're driving straight toward the cliff!" Larxene pointed to a nearby cliff at the end of the road.

"What are you doing, Xemnas?" Lexaeus demanded.

"We're taking a shortcut." Xemnas said.

"You're going to kill us!" Zexion screeched.

"We'll be fine." Xemnas assured them. "If we can live through the landing from the portal, we can live through this."

Soon the bus was in the air and it seemed like everything was going in slow motion. Like in those movies where the director wanted to emphasis something? Like in _Advent Children_ when Cloud sliced Loz's motorcycle in half? That kind of thing. The Nobodies braced themselves for the crash, but it never came. For one crazy and stupid reason, they were completely unharmed.

"How did we live through that?" Vexen gaped in wonder.

"Zeus is watching us." Zexion said.

"Zexion, Zeus doesn't exist." Saix shook his head.

"He doesn't?" Demyx frowned.

"Demyx, you idiot." Larxene smacked him upside the head.

Suddenly the bus jerked forward and they were moving like NASCAR drivers again. Well, they hadn't moved for about a minute, and that minute was too much for Xemnas.

"Slow down, Xemnas!" Roxas shrieked.

"Just live with it." Xemnas snapped. "Oops! I guess I shouldn't have hit that horse. Ah well."

The Nobodies stared at one another, eyes wide, hoping with every fibre of their being that Xemnas didn't say what they thought he said. It was going to be a _very _long ride.

**Thank Shiva I don't drive like Xemnas...so the deadly vacation begins! review?**

**next chapter: first night!**


	4. Hotel Rooms

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hershey Park or Kingdom Hearts**

**Hey yo! It's Mika-chan! Holy crap, she updated! :faints: I have a lot of stuff going on, so I don't get much time for fanfics anymore. But I hope this is pretty good. on with the deadly tale!**

After a long and painful drive at unholy speeds across the continental United States, the motley crue that is Organization XIII reached their destination of Hershey Park. And all of the non-living dead were actually in one piece! What a rare occurrence!

After disembarking the bus, many of the Nobodies fell flat on their faces. Demyx started kissing the grass whilst Marluxia burst forth in song, much to the annoyance of the other Nobodies.

"Quit caterwauling, Marluxia!" Axel snapped, summoning his chakram, as the Graceful Assassin launched into a horrible rendition of _Amazing Grace_.

"Yeah, Marly, you sound worse than Vexen." Xigbar said.

"I heard that." Vexen snapped as he clambered off the bus.

"Do you really think I care?" Xigbar questioned.

"So now what?" Roxas asked, clinging to Axel for dear life, fearing that he would loose his balance and fall over.

"Chocolate factory!" Demyx screeched.

"That's tomorrow, Demyx." Larxene rolled her eyes.

"I need to check us in." Xemnas said, walking off to the hotel.

"And how long will that take?" Saix yelled to Xemnas' retreating back.

"Who knows?" Marluxia had finally stopped singing and was now unloading the bus.

"Zexion, did you bring the entire series of encyclopaedias?" Axel asked from the back of the bus, throwing a suitcase to the blacktop.

"Yes, I did. So be careful with them." Zexion said, taking the suitcase.

"I have no comment." Luxord, finally sane, said.

"Marly, did you bring any plants?" Roxas asked, handing luggage to Axel from inside the bus.

"Why would I?" Marluxia frowned.

"It seems like the sort of mental thing you'd do." Lexaeus said.

"Roxas, be careful with that microscope!" Vexen yelled at the blonde, who had a black leather suitcase in hand.

"Why the fuck did you bring your microscope?" Axel looked at Vexen in horror.

"Who knows when I might need it?" Vexen shrugged, taking the microscope from the Flurry of Dancing Flames.

"Not here, for one." Larxene said.

"Xaldin, I think I have one of your…curlers?" Demyx frowned, pulling a baby pink hair curler from his luggage.

"How do you know it's not Xigbar's?" Saix frowned.

"Because I don't use them." Xigbar said, taking his iPod out of his pocket.

"Xaldin why are you-" Roxas asked.

"None of your business." Xaldin said, taking the curler from a very confused Demyx.

"What's taking Xemnas so long?" Larxene demanded.

"Xemnas takes forever with everything." Axel said, taking Roxas' hand so the blonde could jump off the bus.

"Ain't that the truth?" Zexion didn't look up from his book on the history of Croatia.

"Just how many books did you bring, Zexion?" Vexen raised an eyebrow at the enormous stack of books by the Cloaked Schemer.

"Enough, I guess." Zexion shrugged.

"I'm bored!" Demyx announced. "And hungry."

"Does anyone know what time it is?" Axel asked the group at large.

"I have no idea." Xaldin was amusing himself by watching the cars pull in and out of the parking lot.

"It's daytime, Axel." Larxene smiled at her remark.

"It's technically dusk." Saix said.

"Luxord, did you bring any drugs?" Lexaeus asked randomly.

"Um, no?" Luxord was quite shocked by this question.

"Oh no!" Demyx squeaked and clambered back onto the bus.

"What's up, Demyx?" Roxas frowned.

"I almost forgot my sitar." Demyx replied as he walked back off with his sitar in tow.

"Oh sweet mother of-" Axel started cursing.

"Can't you leave that at home?" Zexion looked at his lover in annoyance.

"Of course not!" Demyx looked revolted at the thought.

"Yeah, heaven forbid he give us some peace and quiet." Xaldin rolled his eyes.

"I can be quiet!" Demyx protested.

"Can you?" Roxas raised an eyebrow.

"Yes!" Demyx exclaimed.

"I don't think you can." Larxene said.

"I'm not that loud!" Demyx yelled.

"Demyx, if you're so quiet, explain why Saix and I could hear you in the game room on the eleventh floor when you were on the first?" Lexaeus raised an eyebrow.

"I dunno." Demyx shrugged. "Maybe there's a clone of me?"

"Just what we need…" Roxas muttered under his breath.

A few minutes later, Xemnas arrived back on the scene, just in time to prevent a fight between Axel and Saix over God knows what.

"We're fitting four in a room." Xemnas explained.

"Are we going by chronological order?" Marluxia asked.

"It doesn't matter, does it?" Xemnas sighed.

"I for one do not want to share a room with Demyx or Marluxia." Luxord said.

"Thanks so much, Luxord." Marluxia's words dripped with sarcasm.

"I guess not." Xemnas shrugged. "If everyone can behave in separate rooms with the Nobodies of their choice…"

"I call Roxas." Axel grabbed the blonde and held him against his chest.

"I guess blondie and pyro are together…" Larxene raised an eyebrow.

"Me and Zexy!" Demyx proclaimed joyfully.

"Ok, Axel and Roxas and Zexion and Demyx can share a room." Xemnas said. "I'll share with Xigbar…"

"Vexen." Marluxia's baby blue eyes found the mad scientist.

"Saix!" Lexaeus found his lover.

"So I'm stuck with Luxord?" Larxene demanded, hands on her hips.

"Or Xaldin." Roxas said.

"Ok, Xigbar and I will share with Lexaeus and Saix." Xemnas said. "Luxord, Larxene and Xaldin can share a room."

"And what about us?" Vexen demanded, pointing to Marluxia.

"I guess you two get your own room." Xemnas shrugged.

"Lucky bastards." Axel muttered under his breath.

"So what do we do now?" Demyx asked.

"We unload our stuff, idiot." Roxas rolled his eyes.

"We'll tour the chocolate factory tomorrow morning, so be by the bus at ten." Xemnas said.

"Ten?!" Axel yelped.

"What's wrong with that?" Xaldin frowned.

"I'm hardly awake by noon!" Axel exclaimed.

"Then why is it that you wake me up at six in the morning, huh?" Roxas glared at his boyfriend.

"That's when I wake up early." Axel grinned.

"Ok, so go unload stuff." Xemnas said. "We'll eat around five."

"Five? Isn't that a bit early?" Marluxia frowned.

"Just be there, ok?" Xemnas said.

* * *

Since they were in the official hotel in Hershey Park, the Nobodies of Organization XIII figured that they'd have decent rooms. They couldn't have been more wrong. Well, they were nice, but they weren't as nice as they had hoped.

Zexion opened the door, jumped aside to avoid a head-on collision with Demyx as he barrelled into the room, and walked inside after Roxas and Axel had entered first. After glaring at Demyx, who wasn't paying attention to him anyway, the Cloaked Schemer made his grand entrance.

Whoever had designed the room must have been high or under the influence of some drug (not one of Vexen's, mind you) because the room made the bland ivory walls of the Castle That Never Was look amazing. For one thing, the walls were a lurid pink with sea-foam green. The carpet was shag (of course it was) and was in an unusual shade of purple. The curtains by the windows were a bright yellow that could easily burn one's eyes out.

In the room were two beds, a TV, coffee table, a small fridge and two reclining chairs, among other things. For one reason or another, there was a small safe underneath a desk with a padlock with the numbers to the combination right above it.

"Someone left _The Masque of the Red Death_ on the bed…" Axel said as he lifted the paper so he could read it. "And it has the logo for Hershey Park on it."

"They're going to kill us all." Zexion shrugged.

"Oh no!" Demyx is known for taking many things at their literal meaning.

"He was kidding, Demy." Roxas rolled his eyes.

"Hey, there's a beer in here!" Demyx exclaimed as he now raided the fridge.

"Don't go through there!" Axel yelled as he pulled a flailing Demyx away from the fridge and slammed the door shut.

"Why not?" Demyx whined.

"The last thing we need is you drunk." Zexion sat down on one of the beds and started to read a book on the history of toads.

"Or Luxord." Roxas said with a shrug.

"Oh, don't even go there." Axel shook his head.

"Why not?" Demyx cocked his head in a confused manner.

"Demyx, do you pay any attention at all around here?" Axel was playing with a fireball that he had summoned and was now forcing it to flit around the room.

"Of course!" Demyx pretended to be mad as he jumped on the bed next to his lover.

"Really?" Zexion's tone was sceptical as his eyes remained on the book.

A knock sounded and Roxas left to find that Larxene was standing in the doorway with an annoyed expression on her sadistic face.

"What is it, Larxene?" Axel asked warily when she walked into the room with Roxas.

"Luxord's passed out drunk again and Xaldin's playing Chinese checkers with Marluxia and Vexen." Larxene said, throwing herself into a recliner.

"And you are here because…?" Roxas gestured for the Savage Nymph finish her tale.

"Because there's nothing to do." Larxene pulled out her magenta iPod and shoved the headphones in her ears. "So I figured I'd see what you idiots were up to."

"Isn't there something you can do that doesn't involve us?" Zexion asked.

"You guys were the closest." Larxene started head-banging slightly to her music. "I hate walking."

"You could always make a portal." Axel said.

"Too much work." Larxene said.

"And I thought Axel was lazy." Demyx muttered under his breath.

"I heard that." Axel chucked a video game at the Melodious Nocturne's head.

"That hurt, Axel." Demyx whined, rubbing the back of his head where the game, _Viva Piñata_, had hit him.

"You complain too much." Axel said.

"Do not!" Demyx exclaimed.

"Yes, you do." Larxene tossed a dagger in the air.

"Go find something else to do." Roxas said to the blonde female.

"You can't tell me what to do!" Larxene snapped.

"But everyone else here can." Zexion said.

* * *

Saix sat alone in the room he shared with Lexaeus, Xigbar and Xemnas, trying to figure out what he wanted to watch on TV. Xigbar and Xemnas had gone down to the lobby to find out about other nearby attractions and Lexaeus had vanished somewhere without a trace. Why am I not surprised?

The Luna Diviner had started out watching _One Tree Hill_, but decided that was too dramatic and switched to _Dancing With The Stars_, which bored him completely. He then moved on to _Why The German Invasion Of Russia Was A Hopeless Cause_, but he knew about as much about WWII as he did about cooking pots, so he changed the channel to _CSI: Miami_. Hating crime shows, Saix changed to _TRL_, but found that he didn't like the video that was playing at the moment so he switched to _How I Met Your Mother_. This cycle continued through _Friends, Punked, Lost, Fringe_ and _COPS_. He had finally decided on watching _Heroes _when Lexaeus returned from wherever he had been.

"Where were you?" Saix asked, tearing his eyes away from the TV.

"Walking around." Lexaeus answered. "What've you been doing?"

"Deciding that there's nothing on TV." Saix made room on the bed for V.

"So why are you watching _Heroes_?" Lexaeus raised an eyebrow.

"Because I can." Saix gave a rare smile.

"You know I love that." Lexaeus grinned in reply.

"What?" Saix's eyebrows narrowed in confusion.

"When you smile. It's so rare." Lexaeus explained. "It's like asking Xigbar to shoot with a water gun. It hardly ever happens."

"But Xigbar never shoots with a water gun." Saix pointed out, wrapping his arm around Lexaeus.

"You know what I mean." Lexaeus said.

"So what are we going to do until dinner?" Saix asked.

"I dunno." Lexaeus shrugged. "_Guitar Hero_?"

"Sweet." Saix nodded.

Lexaeus grabbed the guitar controller while Saix hooked up the PS2. It took a little while since someone (probably Axel or Marluxia) had tangled the cords in the process of unloading.

"I still hate this song." Lexaeus said ten minutes later when he was playing _Through the Fire and the Flames_.

"Then why do you play it?" Saix raised an eyebrow.

"Because it's the last song I have to beat." Lexaeus explained.

"Good luck with that." Saix gave a short laugh. "Demyx hasn't even beaten it. And you know how much he plays _Guitar Hero_."

"Not as much as Axel." Lexaeus retorted.

A loud bang sounded from the room next door, the room where Vexen and Marluxia were staying.

"Let's go." Saix pulled Lexaeus away from the TV. "Vexen's probably done something illegal again."

**Wow. I know Saix/Lexaeus is odd, but I needed something. I'll take suggestions for this story if anyone wants anything added. that being said, review?**

**next chapter: first night**


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